This paper considered in this post received a 4 on the STAAR English I test last spring. Don't start celebrating yet. Two people read the paper. Each rater gives the paper a 1,2,3,4. The scores are then added together. That means that this paper was scored two times. Each time, the paper received a 2. Basic Performance.
That's not what we are looking for.
The scoring guides from TEA help us understand how these papers were scored. But it often does not tell us how we need to help kids do better. Below I have highlighted the characteristics of the paper that match the scoring guide for score point 2.
Below, I will provide two forms of analysis that show potential in helping students see the development of their ideas and provide an analysis tool to help them critically evaluate and extend what they have written.
SEE the Development
I typed the student's essay, one sentence per line, maintaining it as the writer composed it.
I considered the first and second sentences together. In this sample, I considered the first sentence as the thesis and then asked myself these questions about the next sentence:
- Does this sentence modify the previous sentence?
- Yes: I pressed TAB to move the sentence margin. This shows that the second sentence develops the idea of the previous sentence.
- No: Leave the margin to the right. This shows that the second sentence is a new idea and not connected to the previous sentence.
- Once I have categorized each sentence, I can see that this essay is minimally developed and looks more like a list of undeveloped reasons.
- Now, I can teach the students how to go back in and add specific ideas and details to develop each of the ideas. Students can re-enter the writing, press ENTER and TAB after one of the ideas and add development like CAFE SQUIDD or other techniques.
In order for people to come together were going to need to stop racism and other problems.
For instense all of the cop killings people don’t like because the civilian did nothing wrong, yeah we know but that’s what brings us down.
Why don’t we just all get along I mean if you think about it were all human beings just with a little more color on us.
We should all just make a little get together for our community and just sit, eat and talk.
The only way we can make a difference is with us and I don’t mean go out and buy your archenemy a toy or a teal.
No! We have to work together and get along because if not there could possibly be more killings or riots then there already is.
If we could just all get along trust me this world would be way nicer than you think it already is.
Analyzing the Performance:
Each sentence should DO something. Each sentence should have a specific PURPOSE. Each sentence should connect to the sentence before and after so the reader can follow the train of thought and reasoning. Those things have names. Those things have different features. Naming things helps you talk about how to accomplish them. The rubric tells us that "development of ideas is minimal," but what does that mean? What are the subcategories of development called?
First, I want to help writers understand the difference between the surface elements of writing (grammar, mechanics, usage, voice, etc.) and the deep elements of writing (organizational structure, logical progression, rhetoric, theme, purpose and message, etc.).
I developed some questions to help me think through what the writer was doing.
Deep Features:
What idea does this sentence introduce? (What is the writer trying to say?)
What function does this sentence serve? (Organizational structure/pieces of an essay/plot point)
Does it advance the thesis? (To what extent?)
How would you classify the type of development? (What technique or category of development is being used here? Detail, example, logos, comparison, etc.)
Surface features:
What elements express voice? (syntax, word choice)
What features advance or hinder the position?
Application:
Now I need to think about how I would use this with a student or in class. Here's some options:
1. Writing conference with the student. After analyzing the essay in this way, I see that the most important thing I can help this writer do is to understand how he can develop and expand one idea past generalities that connect to his purpose. (I could also help with the thesis, but I really want him to zoom into the one idea he needs to develop. Basically, he doesn't have a good thesis here because he still doesn't know what he thinks.) For instense all of the cop killings people don’t like because the civilian did nothing wrong, yeah we know but that’s what brings us down.
"You have more to say about this that the reader can't see. I agree that cop killings of innocent people will cause a community to split instead of coming together. I can infer that you think that cops killing others is an example of racism, but you have not explicitly stated that. As a reader, I am wondering how you are going to connect the killings to getting the community to come together. I wonder how that helps explain a way people can work together to make a difference. (I'm pointing him back to the prompt. Like most students who score poorly on STAAR, this student got caught up in the stimulus instead of focusing on the prompt: Write and essay that explains one way that people can work together to make a difference.) I agree that reducing cop killings of innocent victims would make a big difference."
"One of the ways writers develop their ideas and explanations is by use of the Reporter Questions (Who, What, Why, When, Where, How) or the 5 Why's. Let's start with "HOW?" I see two directions you can go here. How does cop killing bring us down? Are there examples that you could tell us about? Another direction is to ask How can we work together to eliminate the problems with the deaths of innocent people? What are some specific things we come together to do?"
2. Feedback groups: I can see having students take two sentences to a feedback group. They read the two sentences. Then the group helps the writer evaluate using reflective questions below. Basically, the group thinks aloud about their comprehension of the writer's message. The writer can then examine the answers to determine if he has written is coming across as he intended. If not, he can use the answers to refine his thoughts to revise.
- What idea is the writer expressing?
- How is that idea connected to the next sentence?
- What information was added?
- Can I trace the train of thought? Where might the writer be headed next?
3. Your ideas? Did you try it? Did it work?
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